Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Refine Me & Other Rambling Thoughts

It's funny how you can usually tell when I work by my blogging or should I say lack of blogging :-) Working 12 hours shifts and being gone for about 13 hours with travel time,  leaves me 11 hours when I get home to spend time with my boys, prepare food for the next day, set out clothes, do baths/bible stories/prayers and songs and sleep before the next day comes and I do it all over again :-) So as much as I enjoy blogging, it is nearly impossible for me to blog when I work. You wouldn't believe the notes I e-mail myself to remind myself of things I want to blog. Be it topics or funny things the boys did that I don't want to forget.
 
These last few weeks I have been struggling with some things. Bitterness, frustration, confusion and loneliness (that whole being single thing, yeah it stinks) Yuck those four words just don't look good on my blog, lol but it's the truth and if nothing else I want to be truthful and honest with ya'll. You know the 10 of you who read this silly blog of mine :-) Over the last few weeks I have experienced some harsh truth being brought to the surface regarding some friendships, frustration and confusion about where and what I should do/go next and loneliness regarding my marital status. No offense to those of you who enjoy being single :-) this momma does not and it is my heart's deepest desire to meet a Godly man who wants to join me on this journey of life, living for the Lord and being His hands and feet! The reason I decided to lay it all out there tell ya'll this is to show you how God continues to take ashes and turn them into beautiful reminders of His love and faithfulness through blogs, friends, instagram and songs.
 
During my time of struggle, I have been in constant prayer that the Lord would help me to heal, move on and remember that He is Sovereign in ALL things! As He always does, he answered those prayers and continues to do so. A couple of weeks ago a friend on Facebook Gwen Oatsvall from 147millionorphans.com posted a link to her newest blog post. When I clicked over to read it I immediately knew this was the Lord speaking through Gwen. Below is a part of her post. Click here to finish reading it :-)
 
There are seasons when God removes ALOT of things and people from your lives ... Try not to let this throw you for a curve ball because many times it is for the best ... God wants to be your everything and from the business of life it can get really crowded ... He is the great POTTER and he wants to mold you into his likeness and he wants you to be WHAT HE WANTS YOU TO BE ... So when seasons change, life goes in a new direction, or circumstances throw you for a loop try not to FREAK OUT, but just sit back and ask - WHAT ARE YOU SAYING GOD ??? It may take some time to adjust and you may mourn for the WAY IT USED TO BE ... BUT HE so many times has a great lesson for you or a new calling or simply wants more time for the two of YOU together !!!
 
Um, can I get an AMEN?!?! Yes Lord, I'm listening!! Seriously, when I read this I was blown away!! This blog post was followed by a Jesus Calling devotional that really spoke to my heart:
 
Grow strong in your weakness.Some of My children I’ve gifted with abundant
strength and stamina. Others, like you, have received the humble gift of
frailty. Your fragility is not a punishment, nor does it indicate lack of faith.
On the contrary, weak ones like you must live by faith, depending on Me to get
you through the day. I am developing your ability to trust Me, to lean on Me,
rather than on your understanding. Your natural preference is to plan out your
day, knowing what will happen when. My preference is for you to depend on Me
continually, trusting Me to guide you and strengthen you as needed. This is how
you grow strong in your weakness.
 
I purchased the Jesus Calling app a few weeks ago for my phone and I just love it. It is the first thing I read in the morning when I wake up and no matter what I'm dealing with it always speaks to me and ministers to my heart. I am so thankful for the ways the Lord uses technology to speak to His children :-) Then a few nights ago a friend of mine posted about how we should allow the Lord to refine us, and reminded us all to be patient during the process. She mentioned a favorite song of hers by Travis Cottrell called Refine Me. It is a beautiful song, one that you should definitely take the time to listen to!! As I sat in my car the other day listening to it I cried as I heard these words:
 
Your so patient with me
Faithful and sure
To make me into something better
You know prayers that I've prayed
The tears that I've cried

Lord you know my heart's desire
Oh, to know You
To be more like You

Do what You need to
Help me to trust You
Even if Your love brings me suff'ring
Help me to hold on
To know that You're strong enough to see me through completely

Refine me
 
"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:26
 
Excuse me while I pause for a minute and shout some praise to the Almighty God we serve!! Seriously, I love the Lord and how he has so much patience with me and is willing to give me reminder after reminder that all those negative feelings I allow Satan to whisper into my head have no place in my heart!! Thank You Father!! On top of everything else the Lord has used Instagram, of all things, lol to bring some sweet friends/sisters in Christ into my life. They all have blogs that I have followed for some time now, and I was just so excited to connect with them first on Instagram and now on Facebook!! I feel some road trips will be needed sometime next year!! Do you hear that Kristin, Ashley, Kendra and Lea :-) They are all just the sweetest!!
 
I want to ask if ya'll could please join me in praying for Ashley's daddy? He had heart surgery almost 2 weeks ago and is still in the hospital. They are hoping he can go home this week! Pray for complete healing for her daddy and for comfort and peace for her momma and their entire family. You can read more about it on Ashley's blog.
 
Also please pray for Kendra and her family. They are going through a rough spot right now and could really use our prayers. The Lord knows the details, just please pray.
 
Today was my first of two days off and believe it or not I spent the first part of the day volunteering for a local consignment sale that is happening this weekend. Of course I have a little bit of a motive :-) for those who volunteer you get first dibs on everything being sold and I have two kiddos who are in need of a winter wardrobe, especially my little buddy who has zero winter clothing. While I was helping today I was also making my plan of attack, Ha!! I saw quite a few items of clothing I want to get for Isaiah and a few things for Noah (they don't have as much in bigger sizes) and then some toys that Isaiah could use and a particular Star Wars puzzle that a certain boy is going to love and momma loves the $1 price tag on it!! So yes tomorrow I will be ready to shop with my stroller in tow :-)
Tomorrow I also have my 3rd Dave Ramsey class. Have any of you done his Financial Peace University? I am really enjoying it, but man there are some parts that I think are going to be hard, but worth it!
 
This is my last 3 day weekend to work, PTL!! My schedule got changed and I will no longer have to work three 12 hour shifts in a row!! I was so excited when I found out, I almost screamed :-) I still have to miss church every other weekend, but what can I expect when I work in the medical field :-(
 
Tonight my mom snapped some pictures of the boys and I doing our bedtime routine :-) We read their bible story book every night, and tonight Isaiah was really getting into the story of Adam and Eve! His hands were flapping, his voice was raising and he was smacking on the book as if it was a pulpit!! Love my little preacher boys, lol


I have moments like tonight where I miss Ethiopia a little bit more then usual. I love my little corner in my room of my pictures and some of the things I brought home. It's a beautiful site to look at everyday :-)
 Speaking of Ethiopia, I had to share this picture of my little Ethiopian making the funniest face when we were out to lunch one day. Apparently he was hungry and didn't want to wait on his food, Ha!! Love it!! He is such a little stinker :-)
 A lovely reminder from a sweet friend the other day. How blessed I am to have such amazing friends who continue to encourage me every day. Now if only we all lived in the same state!!

Take a few minutes, listen to this song and be blessed!! I know I sure was :-)


Have a great week ya'll :-)



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