Friday, August 17, 2012

The Truth

The truth is, that the truth sometimes sucks. Simply as that. Over the last 4 months the truth about some things have been smacked in my face and that friends has been hard. My friend said it best the other day when we were talking, while our kiddos played outside and we enjoyed the rare and precious 10 minutes of uninterrupted adult conversation :-) she told me bringing your adopted child home is just like giving birth, you sometimes deal with post adoption depression and believe it or not she was right!!

During the adoption process I sadly lost a few friends who for one reason or another did not agree with my adopting a child and so those friends chose to let go of our friendship and while that hurt, I knew God had placed them in my life for a season, and that season was now over. From my adoption journey I have met some wonderful people and have built some beautiful friendships with beautiful ladies, one whom I consider my very best friend and love dearly. She went with me to Ethiopia for my first trip and I will always be so thankful she took that journey with me, because I don't know what I would have done without her helping me and guiding me through the airports, baggage claim, security and let's not even talk about everything she helped me with once we got to Ethiopia. She is such a blessing to me and my children!! My boys just love her and her sweet kiddos. I have hopes that Isaiah will grow up to marry her daughter, Ha! That would just be perfect!

I never thought when I brought Isaiah home things would change so much, but it would be a lie if I said they didn't. Friends who I thought would be there supporting me were not. It was almost as if once we got home, everyone just moved on, making it known their "concern and support" leading up to Isaiah coming home were fake, and that hurt. My sister has always told me I care too much about what other people think of me, and I guess she is right, because knowing that those "friends" who acted like they cared during the adoption process were now making it known by their actions that they could care less, truly hurt me on a level that I am really getting tired of visiting! Don't get me wrong I have an amazing support system in my mom and sister and the few true friends I have that continue to support me and love on me and my boys through their prayers, text messages, play dates and phone calls, but it is just a different kind of hurt when it comes from people who acted like they cared for so many months and then as quick as turning off a light switch they are gone. Leaving even my 7 year old son asking me just the other day why we don't see Mrs.________ anymore or Mrs_________

Don't get me wrong, I know that people get busy with life. Trust me I know that all too well with working full time, caring for my two boys, being involved in church and trying to make time for myself and make myself a priority, which is something I continue to work on because I have always put myself last, and for once in my life I am trying to change that. I get "busy" but there really are no excuses when you see certain things, and it just makes you wonder?? Or when you get a decline for the 3rd and 4th time from the same person, and finally just tell yourself to give up and take the hint.

I have honestly questioned posting this blog post, but what lead me to do it was a few things. 1) this is my blog, my personal journal that I am using to document everything, not just the pretty stuff and 2) to tell those of you who are currently engaged in a support type group for someone who is going through an adoption, be true to them. Don't just hang around until their child gets home and then drop off. That person is going to need you. They are going to need to know that you are still praying for them, like you did during the process, they are going to need to talk and vent, because coming home with a child is not all beautiful, no matter what the age of the child, there is going to be rough times that they will need to vent or cry on your shoulder. Be there for them. 3)The whole "take a meal when a baby is born" that can apply to adoption. If you choose not to apply it to a family who has just brought a child home through the blessing of adoption, that is totally fine, but do the new parent a favor and don't send out e-mails within weeks of them coming home announcing the news of a birth and request that person sign up to take a meal to that family. Understand that most likely it will be taken as a smack in the face.

To those of you who are going to read this and think bad of me for having these feelings, that is totally fine. To each their own. It has been a long 4 months of dealing with some raw emotions and honestly it has taken me this long to accept certain things, to come to the understanding that in the end, as much as I love my friends and enjoy having a "social circle" this season of life I am currently in doesn't seem to involve a lot of "friends" Looking back on it, I can say I am thankful for this time the Lord has used to work on me and work on my heart. Changing my desires to His desires for me. It hasn't been easy, but He continues to show me Grace and allow me time with my sweet friend who I mentioned above who has ministered to my heart a lot over the last few weeks. God has had me at a place where I have had to learn to totally rely on Him for everything, which I think can sometimes be forgotten when you have friends there helping. I know that is part of the good that has come from this hurt.

So yes, my sweet friend was right. Bringing home an adopted child is a lot like bringing home a baby from the hospital. The "baby blues" are possible with an adoption as well. When you are thrown into dealing with every emotion under the sun with your child, going without sleep, not getting those beautiful 6 weeks off but only having 7 days to adjust, get settled and try to find a routine before going back to work all while trying to make sure your oldest son never feels neglected, it can all lead up to a little emotional break down. I am just so thankful that the Lord was right there with me, wiping away my tears with his Words through scripture and using my sweet friends to remind me that while people will hurt you, you can't let their actions define you, but you can allow those actions to teach you another one of life's lessons and move on.

I don't know where I'm going next? In fact that has been something I have been praying a lot about lately. Of course that deserves a post all by itself, lol What I do know, is the Lord has provided me with just the right people to walk this journey called life with and I choose to continue to rely on Him and Him alone. He is the same yesterday, today and the days to come. He will never leave me, and will never leave you.

3 comments:

  1. I've never commented on your blog before, but I have been a reader for quite some time. Thank you for sharing with honesty and vulnerability. I anticipate being a single foster or adoptive mom in the next few years, unless God should provide a godly husband in the near future, as I know He has called me to this...married or not. I realize that the calling is not easy, however, and your post is a reminder of that. Know that He is faithful to finish the work He has started...both in you as a mother to your two boys, and in sweet baby Isaiah, who He planned and loved before the creation of this world. People may drop out of the race, but He never will.

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  2. I'm so sorry that happened to you. There is never a good time to learn that someone doesn't care as much as you thought. Thankfully, they showed their true selves early on, before Isaiah got to know them and then felt "less than" because of how he blessed your family. Our circles get smaller and smaller over the years, but God makes sure the right people are there with us in the end.

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  3. Thanks so much ladies for the super kind words!! You both are too sweet!! I love that the Lord has allowed me to "meet" such awesome ladies through this little ole blog of mine :-)

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