Choosing To See & Choosing To Change

Sunday, February 27, 2011 1 comment
I recently finished reading the book Choosing To SEE by Mary Beth Chapman. I can not even put into words how awesome the book was. Numerous times I found myself reading into the wee hours because I just could not put the book down! Tears often ran down my face as I read the words that seem to only be able to come from the heart of a mommy! It is an amazing book filled with words of encouragement and hope for those times that we just don't think we can survive or those times where all we want to do is yell at God. As much as I don't want to admit it, I have had those moments in my own life, more then I would like. Her faith inspires me and I high recommend if you haven't read her book, do so soon!

While her book came from the tragic loss of their sweet daughter Maria, she speaks about so much more of her life. Her childhood, marriage, struggles as a wife and mother and her relationship with God. Her book not only inspired me but it made me start to really look at my own life and what areas I need to choose to SEE where God was leading me. So many times I think we choose NOT to SEE because it either hurts to much or we just don't have enough FAITH in ourselves or in God to really BELIEVE in HIM and what HE can DO!!

Those close to me know that these last few months have been some pretty tough months for me. True colors have been shown and I have been forced to accept that not everyone and everything is as it seems. As much as it has hurt, I have had to deal with it and move on. Through God and his Faithfulness I have learned so much these last few months and he has made clear to me the path for this next chapter. He has placed wonderful people into my life, who I pray I can continue to build close friendships with as well as placed different opportunities in both my life and Noah's life that I know will not only help us grow but what will also be a encouragement as we continue on our journey to bring Noah's little brother home!!

I think so many times we choose not to see because we know if we see what God is really trying to show us, the change that comes with that will be hard, sometimes we think it will be too hard. What we forget is that our God is bigger then any change we deal with on this earth and we must choose to always place our lives, plans, hopes and dreams in HIS hands and CHOOSE to FOLLOW his calling for our life, even if that calling means changing things in our lives that we never wanted to change! I guess you could say that is where I am in my life right now. Things have had to change. Things that I never thought would need to change, but God is showing me one small piece at a time that this change is only going to bring bigger and better opportunities for my life and Noah's life.

I know change is never easy, and trust me some of the things God is wanting me to change scares me a little bit (I have never been one for change, lol I am OCD like that) Some of areas that need changing is going to take a lot of effort on my part, a lot of prayer and a lot of relying on God and strength that can only come from HIM! As always I covet your prayers. This adoption journey has turned into a journey about so much more then just bringing a little guy into our family! I pray that God continues to mold mine and Noah's hearts and minds so that we may continue to be lights for God in a world that is often so dark.

Experience With Stitches

Sunday, February 20, 2011 1 comment
Last week was a busy one! I was starting my new job on Wednesday, so I knew I had Monday and Tuesday to get all my appointments scheduled for Noah and I. Everything went great! Busy but great :) That is until Tuesday rolled around and it was time to go for Noah's appointment with the dermatologist! My little buddy had a small mole on his leg that had started to change color and I wanted to get it looked at. As you can see in the picture below Noah was not too excited about being there :(
Thankfully the doctor informed me the mole was not at a point yet where there was cause for concern, but with the history of skin cancer in my family she felt it best to remove it to be on the safe side and to put this mommy's mind at ease! This of course did not excite my little guy at all!! He didn't really understand what was going to happen but he was pretty sure it was going to hurt :( I was happy to find out that they put numbing creme on his mole and had us leave for a couple of hours and then come back, giving it time to numb up the area on his leg. Making the shot part a little easier on him! The doctor had said she had a lot of kiddos who had brought their DS with them and while playing she was able to do the procedure without them really feeling or knowing anything, so of course after we left we went straight home to get his DS as well as picked up his Grammy for some moral support for this mommy who was beside myself with worry, while trying to stay strong for my boy!
We had made a stop at Build A Bear before heading back to the doctor and let Noah get a new buddy to keep him company while getting his procedure done. Noah was still freaking out a little bit about getting stitches until the lady helping him put the fluff in his new dog told him she was now going to "stitch" his new puppy up so he wouldn't lose his stuffing. I immediately took that opportunity to tell Noah "see your puppy got stitches and he was okay" I was actually glad she had used that terminology. The funny thing is she had no idea when she said it :) We got to the doctor and Noah did really well. He cried for a little bit when he had to get a shot to finish numbing the area but after that having his DS really did help keep his mind busy and off of what was going on! At one point he did ask the doctor is she was almost done and then told her she was pushing too hard on his leg and she really needed to stop! The doctor just looked at me and I nicely told her Noah doesn't have a problem telling people what is on his mind :)

All in all it was a successful trip. He had to get 5 stitches and he is anxiously awaiting his trip back this Thursday to get those suckers out! Of course after we left we made a stop at Red Robin for lunch and for a balloon :) I was so proud of my big boy and I feel so much better knowing that little mole is gone and I can stop worrying about it!

Happy Valentine's Day!!

Monday, February 14, 2011 No comments
Jesus replied: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it. Love your neighbor as yourself" Matthew 22:37-39

Bittersweet Day & Adoption Prayer Request

Sunday, February 13, 2011 No comments
For the last 15 months I have worked for a hospital as a PCA (patient care assistant) and have been beyond blessed with a manager that has always worked with me on my schedule when I was finishing up school. After graduating nursing school last July I struggled to find the "right" job for me as a nurse. I couldn't find any jobs that were first shift or that offered good and inexpensive health insurance. I always knew God would place the right job in my path, I just had to be patient :) For those of you who know me know that is not always easy for me!

It was hard for me to work as a PCA when I was actually a licensed nurse but my job at the hospital offered great health insurance and the schedule wasn't too bad. I worked 3 days a week 12hr shifts. I didn't love the schedule, as it caused me to miss dinner and bedtime with Noah which I hated and sometimes would cause me to miss church, but I tried my best to stay positive, praying that when the time was right God would bless me with the perfect job for me.

A couple of weeks ago on a Thursday I got a phone call asking me to interview for a full time position at a pediatrician's office working as a nurse!! I was of course beyond excited and immediately began praying for God's will and guidance. I scheduled my interview for the following Monday. Two days later that Saturday is when I got severely sick!!! You remember that post, Ha! I was deathly ill and in bed for 5 days straight!! That Monday (the day of my interview) I could barely move, let alone even think about driving myself 25 minutes across town to a job interview!! I allowed the thought of rescheduling into my brain for all of about 5 seconds and then I decided I had to go and that I would just pray for God to give me the strength. My mom was kind enough to ride along with me to make sure I didn't pass out behind the wheel. I forced myself to dress up, put make up on, fix my hair and put on a smile all while praying I didn't pass out or throw up or both while at my interview!!

I honestly don't remember a lot about my interview :) except that I did my best, considering how horrible I felt!! Working with children has always been a huge passion of mine, so the thought of being able to work in a pediatrician's office helped me get through the interview!! I wanted the job bad!! Everything went good and the lady who interviewed me told me I should hear something in a couple of days. I continued to pray and rest in knowing that no matter what I wanted, God's plans were better then mine.

Two days later I got the call that I had gotten the job!!!! Praise God!!!! I was so excited!!!! Not only was it better money, but it also offered good insurance, the office is only 8 minutes from my house AND it is Monday through Friday 8-5!!! Ya'll seriously don't understand what having a set schedule means to me!!! It is awesome :) SO this past Friday was my last day at the hospital! It was seriously a bittersweet day. Working there has been so much fun, and I really learned so much from the other nurses there. I am seriously going to miss the nurses I worked with, my manager and the different experiences I got to be a part of BUT I am so looking forward to this next chapter and getting to work with kids of all ages while using my skills that I went to school for. God is good and so faithful!!

Adoption Prayer Request Please: I really can't go into a lot of details right now but I would love to ask you all to please be praying for me and my adoption. I knew before I started this process that I would have to do a lot of fundraising to help with the cost. Being a single parent didn't help when it came to the money part, but I knew God would supply all my needs to help bring my little guy home!!

Unfortunately things have NOT been going as I thought they would. I have done 4 different fundraisers since last November and have only been able to raise about $500.00 I understand to some that may sound like a lot and please understand I am VERY thankful to EVERYONE who has donated but the fact about adoption is it is very costly. I have been trying my hardest to raise the money to get my application sent off to USCIS for my fingerprints but have not been able to raise enough money.

As of today I have $405 saved/raised toward the $850 it is going to cost me to send in my application. I know that God will provide and that is a constant thought in my head and my heart as I continue to pray that the funds will be provided so I can get my application sent in sooner rather then later. I have been so close for the last month to getting the final documents taken care of so I can finally get my dossier sent off!!!

I am a big believer in the power of prayer!! It would mean so much to me if ya'll would join me in praying for some movement in my adoption process. I know God will work everything out in his timing, I just pray that "something" can happen soon that will move me one step closer to Ethiopia!! Thank you in advance for your prayers and support!! It means so much!!

Hope ya'll are having a great weekend!! I am off to relax with my boy before heading back to church tonight for bible drill :)


Wednesday, February 9, 2011 6 comments
FYI- This post is probably going sound like it is coming more from Debbie Downer rather then Positive Polly :( I apologize in advance, but I have to get this out of my head and my heart!

What do you do when those who you thought would be your biggest supporters are the ones who turn their backs on you? They begin to distance themselves from you, making it obvious they don't agree with your choice to grow your family through the miracle of adoption. The looks, the attitudes, the comments under their breath and the disregard for your feelings during all of it. Acting as though you are doing something wrong or crazy? How do you wrap your head around it all? The disappointed that you feel for people that you thought would be a source of encouragement through this journey!

Over the last few months this has been a constant in my life. People who I considered to be like family have been treating me differently, distancing themselves from myself and my son. Treating me as though there is something wrong with my decision to adopt. I would be lying if I said this has not caused me plenty of hurt. To think that anyone could ever look at adoption in a negative way crushes my heart.

Our Father calls us to care for the orphans!!! No, not every single person is called to adopt but every single person IS called to do something!!! How can people choose to look the other way!! Choosing to refuse to step out of their comfortable box and make themselves vulnerable to our Father and where he may want us? Does anyone think adoption is easy? NO, it isn't! This journey has been one of the most emotional and sometimes stressful experiences I have gone through but I wouldn't change one thing about it!! I am so thankful that God placed me on this journey!!

I am at a point where I don't know what to do except pray for guidance! I know some decisions have to be made, but I am not ready to make them. I think I am still in disbelief that those who I cared so much about would do this?

Blessed and Busy Weekend!!

Sunday, February 6, 2011 3 comments
It is almost 9:30 on Sunday evening and I am just now getting a chance to sit down and post about this weekend and all it's activity!! It was definitely a busy one but so much fun!!

The weekend started out with my first adoption fundraiser which was a Premier Jewelry party!! What lady doesn't love some lovely jewels?!?! I had some sweet friends over to my place where we enjoyed a great time of fellowship, yummy food, lots of laugh and of course some beautiful jewelry!! The best part about the party was it was actually my "training show" as I am now going to be a consultant for the company part time, to help raise money for my adoption. God opened up the door and placed a wonderful gal in my life who I now consider a good friend who shared the business with me and how it has blessed her family and how it could help me as well. I am very excited about getting started and am looking forward to seeing how God is going to use this experience for my adoption journey.

Saturday night Noah and I hung out at home and watched Homeward Bound. He loves dogs and he literally didn't move the entire time the movie was on, Ha! I had forgotten how cute that movie was, and while embarrassed to admit it, I actually got a little teary eyed at the end :) Of course Noah looked at me like I was nuts, but he did the same thing with Toy Story 3 because yes I totally cried at the end of that movie as well. I love lazy nights where my sweet boy and I can just hang out at home and giggle the night away!

Sunday morning started out with hearing a AWESOME sermon at church! I tell ya I know we are all partial to our churches and our pastors but seriously ya'll my pastor rocks!!! I am not usually one to yell out "amen" but I was this morning :) He spoke about how so many people these days worry more about themselves, or rules, tradition, or anything else instead of focusing on the people and loving the people and showing them the love of Christ! It is days like today when it makes so much sense to me why Jesus calls us to have faith as children. It is children who have the simple minds, the pure hearts, the unconditional love for others and joy in their hearts. While yes it would be great if that all stayed the same as those children grew into adults, but the sad truth is that is not always the case. I have so much I want to say about this, a lot which has been running around in my head the last few weeks and I promise I am real close to being able to put it all down in a post, because I would seriously love some input from all of you in the blog world. I guess you could say I have been dealing with some things that I never thought I personally would ever be faced with from fellow believers and it has been hard for me to wrap my head around it all.

After church I got to go help celebrate a dear friend who is not only adopting a little boy from Ethiopia but who is also pregnant with a sweet little girl!! Her baby shower was today and it was so much fun!! I am beyond happy for Leslie and her husband. God truly blessed me with a great circle of friends of fellow adoptive families and Leslie and her husband are part of that circle. I have only known them for about 5 months but it seriously doesn't feel like that. Leslie has been such a sweet friend, always there to listen to my hundreds of adoption questions and offer advice and even help me with filling out paperwork that sometimes confuses me, Ha! I would love to take a minute and ask all of you to join me in praying for Leslie and her hubby Ryan. They have passed court and are now just waiting to get the call for their embassy appointment so that they can head back to Ethiopia to pick up their son. With Leslie being pregnant she can only travel up to March 19th. She and Ryan are praying they get their embassy appointment soon so they are able to travel together to bring their sweet boy home!! Please join me in praying that God provides them with their embassy appointment SOON!! To read more about their story you can click here

Well that about wraps up my weekend :) I think it is safe to say I may be the only person who did NOT watch the Superbowl tonight. Why you may ask? Simple.......I don't understand one thing about football, except it is a bunch of guys running back and forth and jumping on each other. Trust me I have tried to "get into the game" but it just isn't happening, LOL I did enjoy some of the commercials though :)

I hope you all have had a wonderful weekend!! I can't say I am looking forward to the week starting. After being off work for over a week when I was deathly ill, tomorrow is my first day back working at the hospital for a 12hr shift!!!

Have a blessed Monday!!

Linking Up Again LOL

Wednesday, February 2, 2011 3 comments
I decided to link up with Jamie's blog and tell ya'll what I am lovin about today!!

I'm LOVIN how I don't feel like like death anymore (see below post) I woke up this morning feeling a tad bit better then I have the last 5 days! Praise the Lord!!

I'm LOVIN how this weekend is full of lots of exciting things like my very first fundraiser for Silas!! (more details to come later) PLUS a baby shower for my sweet friend Lesli who is not only adopting from Ethiopia but she is also expecting a little girl!! Words can't express how happy I am for both she and her hubby Ryan!!

I'm LOVIN that I have a wonderful sister who has taken such good care of my sweet boy while his momma has been so sick these last 5 days!! It has taken a load off of me and enabled me to rest without having to worry!! Although, I can't wait to have my boy home with me, I know he has been having fun with his Sissie and cousins :)

I'm LOVIN that life has allowed me the extra time (if that really exist, lol) to blog more frequently then I use to. I so enjoy the outlet of blogging and meeting other moms out there who in some way or another always encourage me or inspire me with their stories.

I'm LOVIN my life right now!! I am blessed with a Savior who loves me no matter what!! An awesome little boy who brings so much Joy to my life everyday, an amazing family who supports me and is there for me when I need them, friends who have only recently come into my life but yet I feel as though I have known them for years and I'm LOVIN this adoption journey God has placed me on!! I have definitely learned more about my Faith and Obedience during this journey then I ever thought I would. I can't wait for the day that I get to bring my little guy home forever!!

Like A Ton Of Bricks

That is how I have felt the last 5 days and counting......I seriously went to bed feeling fine last Friday night and woke up Saturday morning feeling like someone had knocked me upside the head with a ton of bricks in my sleep!! I had to work a 12hr shift on Saturday so I forced myself out of bed and got ready, made it to work, but only lasted 45 minutes before having to leave. I got sick twice in those 45 minutes and literally felt like I was going to pass out while I was walking. I was honestly worried I would not make it home, but thankfully I did! I went straight to bed for the next 6 hours and when I finally had enough strength to get out of bed I went to the ICC where I was diagnosed with strep!! Ugh!!

I'm thinking okay, give me a Z-pack and send me on my way and I will be better in a day or two. Um, not even close!! I literally have spent the last 5 days in bed, crying, running a fever, chills, getting sick, literally feeling like I was dying!! It has been horrible!! My diet has consisted of Popsicles and yesterday I ended up in the ER for dehydration and was hooked up to a bag of fluids and given a new antibiotic along with some cough medicine to help me sleep. The doctor said adults usually have a harder time getting over strep then children do. Ya think?!?!

Thankfully this morning I woke up feeling a little better, so I think it is safe to say I am on the road to recovery :) The only upside to being so sick is I have lost 12lbs in 4 days, Ha!! I am very thankful to have such an awesome family who has really helped me with Noah these last few days! I seriously don't know what I would have done without my sister especially who literally kept him at her house so I could stay in bed and get well. She did post on my facebook last night that while saying his prayers he was praying for Jesus to make me better because he really missed his bed, Ha!! Love that little boy so much!! I told him he and I are going to have a big date night this Friday :)

For those of you who have been praying for me these last few days THANK YOU!! You are all such a blessing to me!!