Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Where Do I Go From Here??

That has been the question I have been asking myself over the last few weeks. I was doing some pondering a few nights ago and the Lord reminded me how eventful my life has been over the last few years. In 2005 the Lord blessed me with my beautiful Noah, shortly after his birth I was diagnosed with Graves Disease and spent 10 months on a medication regimen that involved taking 25 pills a day to get my thyroid at a safe level to allow doctors to go in and surgically remove it. January 2006 I had my thyroid removed and Praise God everything went great!! In 2007 I got married (epic fail, but major life lesson none the less) in 2008 husband left, divorce process started, January 2009 divorce finalized AND started nursing school, July 2010 graduated nursing school, immediately started back to school that same month for the RN program and then God started really working on my heart and was slowly revealing to me it wasn't time to go back to school but it was time to start the adoption process! October 2010 signed on with Arise Adoption Agency for their Ethiopian program!! I spent New Year's Eve in the air, flying over the Atlantic to go meet my son for the first time!!! April of this year I went back to Ethiopia to bring him home forever!!! To think these are just the highlights!!
 
As I looked back over the last 7 years I could see where God was constantly going ahead of me and preparing the way for the next chapter he was writing in my life story. Isn't our God just amazing!! My mentor and I were just talking today about how we sometimes want the Lord to reveal His plans for our lives all at once, when really if he did that, could we handle what we saw? Probably not!! I know I couldn't. I mean seriously, had I known before Noah was born that we would both almost die at childbirth, that his father would hurt me in ways that no person should ever be hurt, that I would go through a failed marriage, lose both of my grandparents who I love dearly, watch my mom go through a horrible car accident that took her peripheral vision, fight through a year of being extremely sick with my Graves Disease, carry my dad through an addiction and his struggle to over come it and lose numerous friends because of my decision to adopt, had I known ALL that was going to happen I probably would have just crawled in a corner and cried BUT that is how AMAZING our Heavenly Father is ya'll!! He doesn't need to show us His plans, we don't need to know what is next! We just need to know that He has plans for us that are full of hope for our future, He takes everything and turns it into good for His glory, He loves us so much and He has already gone ahead of us and paved the way for the next chapter of our lives! All we have to do is trust in Him and be willing to say YES when he reveals the next step. That my friends is sometimes the hardest part of it all, being willing to say YES!
 
I knew from a young age I wanted to adopt. Of course I always pictured myself married when I would adopt. So when God began to reveal to me that it was time for me to start the process, I can't lie I said No. Ha! Me, little ole me, I said NO to God!! Seriously, what was I thinking. I was questioning the Creator of the Universe, the Almighty God who knows the number of hairs on our heads, if He knew what He was asking of me? I mean really, didn't He know I was a single mom? I had just graduated nursing school and I didn't even have a nursing job yet and He wanted me to start the process to adopt a child, a journey that would involve me FLYING to AFRICA not once but twice and let me just tell you if you are a new reader, I had NEVER flown before traveling to Africa in January and I am TERRIFIED of flying!! So yes, for a couple of weeks I questioned God and what he was expecting me to do, but in His awesome way as always he used my sweet little Noah to remind me numerous times that when we are called to do something, we put aside our feelings or fears and follow the Lord wherever he leads.
 
That is where I find myself now. Only this time I don't know where the Lord is leading me, yet? What I do know, is He is up to something :-) I feel it! I am excited about the next chapter the Lord is writing for me and anxious to see what it will look like. I have shared my feelings with my mom, sister, mentor and OOSBFF (out of state BFF, Ha!!). All of whom have committed to join me in praying that the Lord would make clear the next step he is asking of me. When I came home from Ethiopia in January I was blown away with the feelings I had for a country that I had only spent 7 days in and when I came home in April I was again blown away with even more feelings, not only for the beautiful country but for my desire to never go back to where I was before my first trip. I have friends who have been home for a few years with their children who have told me they wished they hadn't gotten so wrapped up in "America life" once they got home and that is something I constantly think about. I never want to go back to where I used to be. I always want to remember the JOY I felt in Ethiopia, the JOY I saw on the many faces of those precious children and the PEACE I felt while I was there. I don't want my journey to end just because I brought Isaiah home. Changing the world for one is not enough. Where would we be if the precious blood of our Savior only changed the world for one and not ALL?
 
“At the end of life we will not be judged by how many diplomas we have received, how much money we have made, how many great things we have done.
We will be judged by "I was hungry, and you gave me something to eat, I was naked and you clothed me. I was homeless, and you took me in.”
Mother Teresa
 
Okay so let me just say if this post came off as vague, I promise that is not my intention. While I openly share my life on the Internet through my blog, there are some things that I feel the need to keep private until the Lord reveals to me the answer to continued prayer. I just ask that if you think about it, please join me in praying for the next step for my sweet little family. I am thankful for each and every one of you. Some who I know and see often and those who I don't see at all, some I have never even met in person but who I have become sweet friends with through  my blog and now Facebook :-)
 


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