All of these beautiful moments have definitely been accompanied by some not so beautiful ashes. Anyone who says people adopt babies because they are cute and cuddly and because they come without attachment issues (trust me those people sadly exist) are just wrong. My sweet boy came home full of fear and zero trust. I had taken him from all he had ever known and brought him home to what was at first his very own foreign country. The first few weeks were harder then most, Isaiah had to learn to trust me and learn that I was Mommy and not just another nanny. He had to learn what boundaries were (yes ya'll babies need boundaries and this momma is all about boundaries and structure from a young age) as well as deal with some food issues he had that naturally comes from being an orphan. Even though the nannies were constantly putting a bottle in his mouth or porridge, he had a parasite that caused him to basically poop it out as soon as it went in his belly. So his sweet belly sadly knew what it meant to feel hungry. When he first came home he would eat 3-4 big jars of baby food at a sitting and then scream and cry when those were gone. He was wanting to eat every two hours and would scream his head off if that didn't happen. Thankfully after one round of antibiotic and a month on a probiotic that I put him on his parasite was gone and we began working on his little food issue. I wish I was exaggerating when I say he can eat more then my 7 year old, but sadly I am not. It wasn't until just recently that he has gotten really good at knowing and trusting that when the food is gone, it is okay because there will be more food later.
It has been a little over 3 months since he has been home and I can honestly say there are still days we struggle. No where near as much as we used to, but my sweet boy is very strong willed and at times is still determined to do what he wants to do. It blows my mind that at just 14 months old he has the mentality to know and understand what it means to push the boundaries, but he does! There are moments where I just wish he would trust me and trust that his Mommy has his best interest at heart, and it is those moments that my sweet boy reminds me of how much adoption relates to the Gospel! Our Heavenly Father loves us so much and He wants nothing but good for us, but still at times we have such a hard time trusting Him. Just as I want Isaiah to trust me completely, God wants us to trust Him completely and follow Him. Not only did the journey of bringing Isaiah home strengthen my faith but our journey since he has been home has brought me closer to the Lord and given me a deeper desire to draw nearer to Him at all times.
God has entrusted me with two of the most precious boys and I pray I always seek Him and model Him to my boys. Some people worry about their children growing up to be a doctor or lawyer, and while those are great, those are not eternal. Both of my boys have amazing personalities and hearts and it is my prayer that God guides me as I disciple them and point them toward the Lord and being his hand and feet on this earth while growing His Kingdom. Noah is already asking me if he can go to Ethiopia with me when I bring home his other brother (obviously he knows something I don't, LOL) I am humbled daily that the Lord chose me to be Mommy to these precious boys and while there are times that are rough and times where I want to just cry, I am reminded that Motherhood is the most important job the Lord has given me, and he wants me to rely on Him to make it through the day, not my coffee or this week's parenting book, but Him and Him alone.
"I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth." 3 John 1:4
Phew, Amen! I'm thankful for families going before my own for wisdom and experience :)
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