"Sometimes it feels like I'm watching from the outside. Sometimes it feels like I'm breathing but am I alive? I won't keep searching for answers that aren't here to find"
"All I know is I'm not home yet. This is not where I belong. Take this world and give me Jesus! This is not where I belong!"
These are lyrics from one of my favorite songs! Building 429 sings a song called "Where I Belong" It's funny I had never heard it before I traveled to Ethiopia but ever since coming home I literally hear it almost every day. Hearing those words "This is not where I belong" speak differently to me then some may think. Yes this earthly world is not where any of us belong. This is not our home, Heaven is our home. This place is a mere stepping stone to Glory!! A place where we can be the Hands and Feet of Jesus while we are here!!
I have been thinking about that a lot since coming home. Being a single mom I could easily use the excuse that I just don't have the time? I mean come on I work full time, have an active 7 year old, have been going through the adoption process for the last 18 months, have a home to take care of, family, friends, and the list goes on. There is only one problem, I want to do MORE! While I was in Ethiopia I found myself looking at the children in the market, on the streets and in the mountains and thinking to myself my children will NEVER know what it's like to live like this, so why should these children?
Why when my son has known who Jesus is since he could talk, why should a sweet child there look at me with confusion when they hear their Father's name? Why when my son gives me the "look" when he sees green beans on his plate, why are there children in Ethiopia begging on the streets, walking for miles in hopes of finding food? I went to Noah's closet this morning to get him clothes and was convicted when I saw all that he had, thinking about all those sweet children who wear the same thing for days.
None of this is acceptable to me! I want to do something! The question is what does He want me to do? That has been my question and my prayer. Ethiopia captured my heard in more ways then one. Not only will I always be connected through my son, but a part of me will always miss being there. There are people who look at me like I am crazy when I say that. People think why would you want to leave all your stuff here and go there? Exactly friends, "stuff" God tells us in his Word not to store things up on this Earth, because none of it will go with us to Heaven.
I have been talking to friends since coming home who can relate. No offense to my friends who have never been to Ethiopia, but you just don't get it unless you experience it. My own family at times I am sure have thought I am a tad crazy for some of the thoughts I have. I have shared with friends that I miss being in Ethiopia. I miss the feeling of peace I had while I was there and spending more time seeing God in the land and the people and seeing true happiness when there is nothing. Being a nurse and having worked in a Pediatrician's office I found myself wondering what if I lived here, I could do so much for these precious children.
Let me say before I start getting tons of e-mails, no I am not planning on moving to Ethiopia any time soon. As I told my mom, who thought the same thing when I came home and was sharing my heart with her, "God would have to make it crystal clear to me that this is what he wants me to do" I do though often wonder is this where I belong? Or is there something else God has in store for me that will allow me to be His Hands and Feet for the people of Ethiopia? My adoption has been an amazing journey of Faith, Obedience and God's Provision! I can't wait for the day that my sweet Isaiah is back in my arms forever BUT my journey won't stop there! My journey I feel, is just beginning!!
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