Torn

FYI- This post is probably going sound like it is coming more from Debbie Downer rather then Positive Polly :( I apologize in advance, but I have to get this out of my head and my heart!

What do you do when those who you thought would be your biggest supporters are the ones who turn their backs on you? They begin to distance themselves from you, making it obvious they don't agree with your choice to grow your family through the miracle of adoption. The looks, the attitudes, the comments under their breath and the disregard for your feelings during all of it. Acting as though you are doing something wrong or crazy? How do you wrap your head around it all? The disappointed that you feel for people that you thought would be a source of encouragement through this journey!

Over the last few months this has been a constant in my life. People who I considered to be like family have been treating me differently, distancing themselves from myself and my son. Treating me as though there is something wrong with my decision to adopt. I would be lying if I said this has not caused me plenty of hurt. To think that anyone could ever look at adoption in a negative way crushes my heart.

Our Father calls us to care for the orphans!!! No, not every single person is called to adopt but every single person IS called to do something!!! How can people choose to look the other way!! Choosing to refuse to step out of their comfortable box and make themselves vulnerable to our Father and where he may want us? Does anyone think adoption is easy? NO, it isn't! This journey has been one of the most emotional and sometimes stressful experiences I have gone through but I wouldn't change one thing about it!! I am so thankful that God placed me on this journey!!

I am at a point where I don't know what to do except pray for guidance! I know some decisions have to be made, but I am not ready to make them. I think I am still in disbelief that those who I cared so much about would do this?

Blessed and Busy Weekend!!

It is almost 9:30 on Sunday evening and I am just now getting a chance to sit down and post about this weekend and all it's activity!! It was definitely a busy one but so much fun!!

The weekend started out with my first adoption fundraiser which was a Premier Jewelry party!! What lady doesn't love some lovely jewels?!?! I had some sweet friends over to my place where we enjoyed a great time of fellowship, yummy food, lots of laugh and of course some beautiful jewelry!! The best part about the party was it was actually my "training show" as I am now going to be a consultant for the company part time, to help raise money for my adoption. God opened up the door and placed a wonderful gal in my life who I now consider a good friend who shared the business with me and how it has blessed her family and how it could help me as well. I am very excited about getting started and am looking forward to seeing how God is going to use this experience for my adoption journey.

Saturday night Noah and I hung out at home and watched Homeward Bound. He loves dogs and he literally didn't move the entire time the movie was on, Ha! I had forgotten how cute that movie was, and while embarrassed to admit it, I actually got a little teary eyed at the end :) Of course Noah looked at me like I was nuts, but he did the same thing with Toy Story 3 because yes I totally cried at the end of that movie as well. I love lazy nights where my sweet boy and I can just hang out at home and giggle the night away!

Sunday morning started out with hearing a AWESOME sermon at church! I tell ya I know we are all partial to our churches and our pastors but seriously ya'll my pastor rocks!!! I am not usually one to yell out "amen" but I was this morning :) He spoke about how so many people these days worry more about themselves, or rules, tradition, or anything else instead of focusing on the people and loving the people and showing them the love of Christ! It is days like today when it makes so much sense to me why Jesus calls us to have faith as children. It is children who have the simple minds, the pure hearts, the unconditional love for others and joy in their hearts. While yes it would be great if that all stayed the same as those children grew into adults, but the sad truth is that is not always the case. I have so much I want to say about this, a lot which has been running around in my head the last few weeks and I promise I am real close to being able to put it all down in a post, because I would seriously love some input from all of you in the blog world. I guess you could say I have been dealing with some things that I never thought I personally would ever be faced with from fellow believers and it has been hard for me to wrap my head around it all.

After church I got to go help celebrate a dear friend who is not only adopting a little boy from Ethiopia but who is also pregnant with a sweet little girl!! Her baby shower was today and it was so much fun!! I am beyond happy for Leslie and her husband. God truly blessed me with a great circle of friends of fellow adoptive families and Leslie and her husband are part of that circle. I have only known them for about 5 months but it seriously doesn't feel like that. Leslie has been such a sweet friend, always there to listen to my hundreds of adoption questions and offer advice and even help me with filling out paperwork that sometimes confuses me, Ha! I would love to take a minute and ask all of you to join me in praying for Leslie and her hubby Ryan. They have passed court and are now just waiting to get the call for their embassy appointment so that they can head back to Ethiopia to pick up their son. With Leslie being pregnant she can only travel up to March 19th. She and Ryan are praying they get their embassy appointment soon so they are able to travel together to bring their sweet boy home!! Please join me in praying that God provides them with their embassy appointment SOON!! To read more about their story you can click here

Well that about wraps up my weekend :) I think it is safe to say I may be the only person who did NOT watch the Superbowl tonight. Why you may ask? Simple.......I don't understand one thing about football, except it is a bunch of guys running back and forth and jumping on each other. Trust me I have tried to "get into the game" but it just isn't happening, LOL I did enjoy some of the commercials though :)

I hope you all have had a wonderful weekend!! I can't say I am looking forward to the week starting. After being off work for over a week when I was deathly ill, tomorrow is my first day back working at the hospital for a 12hr shift!!!

Have a blessed Monday!!

Linking Up Again LOL

I decided to link up with Jamie's blog and tell ya'll what I am lovin about today!!


I'm LOVIN how I don't feel like like death anymore (see below post) I woke up this morning feeling a tad bit better then I have the last 5 days! Praise the Lord!!

I'm LOVIN how this weekend is full of lots of exciting things like my very first fundraiser for Silas!! (more details to come later) PLUS a baby shower for my sweet friend Lesli who is not only adopting from Ethiopia but she is also expecting a little girl!! Words can't express how happy I am for both she and her hubby Ryan!!

I'm LOVIN that I have a wonderful sister who has taken such good care of my sweet boy while his momma has been so sick these last 5 days!! It has taken a load off of me and enabled me to rest without having to worry!! Although, I can't wait to have my boy home with me, I know he has been having fun with his Sissie and cousins :)

I'm LOVIN that life has allowed me the extra time (if that really exist, lol) to blog more frequently then I use to. I so enjoy the outlet of blogging and meeting other moms out there who in some way or another always encourage me or inspire me with their stories.

I'm LOVIN my life right now!! I am blessed with a Savior who loves me no matter what!! An awesome little boy who brings so much Joy to my life everyday, an amazing family who supports me and is there for me when I need them, friends who have only recently come into my life but yet I feel as though I have known them for years and I'm LOVIN this adoption journey God has placed me on!! I have definitely learned more about my Faith and Obedience during this journey then I ever thought I would. I can't wait for the day that I get to bring my little guy home forever!!

Like A Ton Of Bricks

That is how I have felt the last 5 days and counting......I seriously went to bed feeling fine last Friday night and woke up Saturday morning feeling like someone had knocked me upside the head with a ton of bricks in my sleep!! I had to work a 12hr shift on Saturday so I forced myself out of bed and got ready, made it to work, but only lasted 45 minutes before having to leave. I got sick twice in those 45 minutes and literally felt like I was going to pass out while I was walking. I was honestly worried I would not make it home, but thankfully I did! I went straight to bed for the next 6 hours and when I finally had enough strength to get out of bed I went to the ICC where I was diagnosed with strep!! Ugh!!

I'm thinking okay, give me a Z-pack and send me on my way and I will be better in a day or two. Um, not even close!! I literally have spent the last 5 days in bed, crying, running a fever, chills, getting sick, literally feeling like I was dying!! It has been horrible!! My diet has consisted of Popsicles and yesterday I ended up in the ER for dehydration and was hooked up to a bag of fluids and given a new antibiotic along with some cough medicine to help me sleep. The doctor said adults usually have a harder time getting over strep then children do. Ya think?!?!

Thankfully this morning I woke up feeling a little better, so I think it is safe to say I am on the road to recovery :) The only upside to being so sick is I have lost 12lbs in 4 days, Ha!! I am very thankful to have such an awesome family who has really helped me with Noah these last few days! I seriously don't know what I would have done without my sister especially who literally kept him at her house so I could stay in bed and get well. She did post on my facebook last night that while saying his prayers he was praying for Jesus to make me better because he really missed his bed, Ha!! Love that little boy so much!! I told him he and I are going to have a big date night this Friday :)

For those of you who have been praying for me these last few days THANK YOU!! You are all such a blessing to me!!