Thursday, January 29, 2015

Unexpected Gifts

This week has been simply crazy. I'm trying to study for my boards while battling fear and insecurities regarding my capability of actually passing my dreaded NCLEX exam on February 11th. On top of dealing with everyday life of being a single mom, raising these sweet boys the Lord has entrusted to me and trying to point them to Jesus even when there are times I want to point them to the corner :-)

I was sitting in my bedroom tonight thinking about how I spent 7 months in what can only be described as "a very dark season" I spent that time praying, crying out to the Lord to deliver me from all that was crashing down on me, and for a long time He didn't He kept me in that season, but not because He doesn't love me, far from it actually. He kept me there because He loves me so much. You see during that season my faith grew immensely and my reliance on the Lord became my life. There wasn't a single breath that was breathed from my lungs that I was not clinging to Christ, relying on Him to help make it through another day. I didn't see what He was doing then, but now that I am on the other side of it, I am slowly starting to see what He was doing and can I just say it is extremely humbling to know that the Creator of the world loves me, a messed up sinner who fails Him daily, so much that He took me on a journey of despair and brokenness because He was redeeming parts of me that I didn't even know at the time needed to be redeemed. Parts of my story that I had long forgotten but my Savior hadn't, and He knew there was some pruning and refining that needed to be done to prepare me for this next season.

The boys and I are in week two of living in our new home. There are many words I could use to describe our lives right now, but really the word I keep going back to is "redemption" He has brought us from one extreme being despair to another being peace. How great is our God y'all :-) Grace upon Grace!! Seriously, He overwhelms me with His goodness. These last few weeks the Lord has been impressing upon me the ways He has been working in my life that would lead up to the present. You see, I am one of those weird people who gets joy out of looking back at my life and seeing where the Lord was working when I didn't even know it. Being able to see where He first crossed my path with my friends who we are staying with almost 4 years ago over our mutual passion, orphan care and how He has used our friendship to not only lead me to the church we now attend but also to provide a home for the boys and I during this season. I keep seeing how He is using relationships that have been forming for years, both short and long to sustain me, minister to me, encourage me and simply provide for me a peak into the Father's heart for me.

A few years ago when I was blogging about my adoption with Isaiah I got a comment from a girl who has been reading my blog for a while. That one comment lead to us finding each other on Facebook which lead to lots of conversations, text messages, facetiming and ultimately lead me to my best friend who I absolutely love and praise God for this girl. She is truly my sister. She holds me accountable, she prays for me, encourages me in the Lord, loves me even though I am a little crazy and has been the hands and feet of Jesus for me more times then I can count. I love her lots and am so thankful the Lord crossed out paths. Her life shines for Jesus and I am a better person because of her. This girl is one of the best unexpected gifts I've ever received from the Lord. She continues to impact my life for Christ and minister to me through her life. She'll never know what an impact she had on me during that dark season through her prayers, her text messages and love. Love you Care!

Being able to see where the Lord was working, even when it didn't feel like it is so encouraging to me, and because He is reminding me of His faithful over last year, I am able to walk boldly into this next season with confidence, not in myself but in the one who created me. Knowing He is with me, leading me and giving me Grace upon Grace, which in itself is one of the greatest gifts we as believers in Christ could receive. I know there are going to be bumps, there are going to be times where the world gets a hold of my head and tries to overshadow what I feel in my heart, and I pray that when those times hit, I remember what the Lord says in His word~

"Blessed is she who believed that the Lord would fulfill His promise to her" Luke 1:45

The Lord has been speaking to my heart so much recently about mine and the boy's future and reminding me that His plans are not just different then mine but also better. I expect there to be moments where I'm standing in amazement of Him and I also expect moments where I'm standing there with my "are you serious" look but one thing I know for sure, I'm walking with my Savior, with open arms, ready feet and a heart full of anticipation for what He has in store for the boys and I.

I'm thankful today for the unexpected gifts, not in the form of material things, but those in the form of sweet relationships He has blessed me with that continue to impact my life today. Most importantly I'm thankful for the relationship I have with Jesus. Knowing I am not walking in this world alone, makes the unknown far less scary because He is with me, leading the way.

"Again, Jesus spoke to them, saying "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." John 8:12

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